Leave the light on
by IlyenaStreep
Summary: Miranda tells Andy about her youth. Based on the song from Beth Hart.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Miranda Priestly or Andy Sachs, They belong to Lauren Weisberger and 20th Century Fox.**

'Leave the lig…'

'I know 'leave the light on'. Why do you sleep with the light on? Afraid of the dark?'

Miranda shook her head and sighed. She suddenly looked a lot smaller.

'No reason, could you just please leave the light on?'

'Miranda, with you everything has a reason. Please tell me.'

A pair of sadly looking blue eyes looked at her, but Andy just stared back and then finally Miranda caved. She sat up in the big bed and wrapped her arms around her knees. Andy had never seen her so vulnerable.

'Only you if you want to tell me. You don't have to, you know.'

'It's pathetic really, but you know how I've never told you about my life before I came to New York?'

Andy nodded. The older woman looked sad, hurt. Andy wanted to hug her, make her feel comfortable, but she couldn't move.

'Well, I didn't have a 'happy' childhood. My father worked hard to maintain my mother, my brother and me and my mother worked hard in the house. A model family, you would think. Only my father had loose hands, especially when he was drunk. He would hit and kick my mother, not in front of us, of course, but I knew. She always had bruises. Once I saw it. I had gone down to get a glass of water when I heard a muffled cry and punches. I looked in the living and even though I couldn't see much, because the lights were turned off, I saw him hit her again and again and again. She didn't even stood up for herself or cried. She just protected her face.

When I was fifteen my mother killed herself, not that I could blame her. I took over the household and tried to keep our family together. I still remember the first night. I was doing my homework, when my father stormed in my room, smelling of alcohol, and then he started hitting me, I've never known why. He slapped me on my cheek and I fell on the floor. He turned the lights off and kicked me until I didn't move anymore. Then he left.'

Andy felt her tears welling up. She knew Miranda hadn't had a happy childhood, but this she wasn't expecting. She looked up at her and saw that Miranda was fighting back tears. Her perfectly manicured nails dug in her arms, as if she was trying to keep herself from crying by hurting herself. Andy laid a hand on Miranda's and to her relief it relaxed. Miranda continued.

'During the years that followed, I discovered that he always turned the lights off when he hurt me. Sometimes, after a couple blows, I managed to turn the light back on, after which he always stopped and immediately left.

I stayed there during college. You're probably wondering why. Well, I couldn't leave my little brother behind with that man. I couldn't do to my brother what my mother did to me, just leaving him with the mess.

When I was twenty-one, there was one night that made me decide to leave. I was cooking when my father suddenly walked in the kitchen. He was so drunk that he could hardly look straight out of his eyes. He took a swing at me, but because I was sober I duck away and he missed, hitting a cupboard instead. He was furious. He grabbed the knife I had dropped and stabbed me before I could ran. I fell down and was afraid he would kill me. I remember thinking this is it, this is the end. I going to die right here on this floor. He lifted his arm to stab me again when he suddenly collapsed. My brother had hit him with a pan. The last thing I remember, before everything went black, was brother saying he was sorry he failed to protect me.

I woke up in the hospital. I had had surgery and I was going to live. My brother came to visit me once or twice. He told me my father regretted what he did to me, but could not believe it. When the doctors declared me stable enough to leave the hospital, I went to my house to pack a couple of things and then I left for New York and I never returned. I changed my name and when I became editor at _Runway_ I changed my look. I've never seen my brother or father since then. There's just one mark left of them, one thing that still links me to my old self.'

Miranda lifted her pajama, showing a 2-inch scar across her stomach. Andy noticed it before, but never mentioned it. Her hand trembled when she touched it.

'The only thing about me that still is Miriam.' Miranda said with a trembling voice.

Then suddenly she started crying. Andy was shocked, Miranda hardly showed any emotion let alone that she'd be this vulnerable. She pulled Miranda in a hug. The silver-haired woman cried softly against her chest. The Ice Queen had been broken. She finally told what had been piled up behind her icy exterior.

'I never told anyone before,' she whispered. 'That's why I leave the light on. It makes me feel save, it's my protection.'

Andy gave her a soft kiss and wiped Miranda's tears away.

'Thank you for telling me that. I cannot imagine how hard that must have been you.'

Miranda turned her eyes away from Andy, because tears were welling up again. Andy kissed her temple and gently pushed her down and pulled the duvet over them.

'We'll leave the light on, but just so you know, I will always be there if you need me and I will always protect you.'

Miranda smiled weakly and Andy kissed her.

'I love you,' whispered Miranda.

Andy smiled. 'I love you too.'


End file.
